god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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