I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
