Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
