how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you had me at cake vodka
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
