How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
where are my eyebrows?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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