Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
