My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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