After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
