ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
