Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
