I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
