I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
