I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I didn't notice because vodka
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
