We need to rekindle our bromance
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
