And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
