i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
