You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
