my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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