He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
from now on my penis is your penis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
