I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
