The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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