I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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