Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
