I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
