My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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