THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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