She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
