living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
