definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
