i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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