She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
