Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
