all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
