At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
