Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
