I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
