i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
