But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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