mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
