I want to stick my p in your. b.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
