If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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