In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
