i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we made out on top of his cat.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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