you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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