We named our party play list daddy issues
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
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