I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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