my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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