Have you finally orgasmed yet?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
