i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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