i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
